5 Bizarre Facts About Medieval Times That Will Make You Glad You Live Now
The medieval period, spanning roughly from the 5th to the 15th century, was a time of knights, castles, and chivalry—but also some truly bizarre and downright horrifying practices. While Hollywood often romanticizes the era, the reality was far less glamorous. From questionable medical treatments to bizarre legal customs, life in the Middle Ages was anything but easy.
Here are five shocking facts about medieval times that will make you grateful for modern comforts.
1. Doctors Used Urine as a Diagnostic Tool
Modern medicine has come a long way, but medieval physicians had some… creative diagnostic methods. One of the most bizarre? Urine inspection.
Doctors believed that urine could reveal a patient’s health condition based on its color, smell, and even taste. Medical texts from the time included detailed “urine wheels” that matched different shades to various diseases. Some physicians even drank urine to assess its sweetness—a primitive way to detect diabetes.
If that wasn’t strange enough, urine was also used as:
- A teeth-whitening agent (thanks to its ammonia content).
- A laundry detergent (Romans used it to bleach clothes).
- An ingredient in early gunpowder.
Thankfully, today we have blood tests and MRIs instead.
2. Animals Could Be Put on Trial
In medieval Europe, animals weren’t just livestock—they could be defendants in court. That’s right, pigs, rats, and even insects were legally prosecuted for crimes like theft, murder, and property damage.
Some infamous cases include:
- A Pig Executed for Murder (1386) – A French pig was dressed in human clothes and hanged for killing a child.
- Locusts Excommunicated (9th century) – A bishop in Italy formally cursed a swarm of locusts for destroying crops.
- Rats on Trial (1522) – Rats were summoned to court for eating grain. When they didn’t show up, their lawyer argued they were too afraid of the court’s cats.
These trials were taken seriously, complete with lawyers, witnesses, and formal sentencing. Today, we just call pest control.
3. People Rarely Bathed—And Thought It Was Dangerous
Modern hygiene is a luxury medieval folks didn’t have. While ancient Romans loved their baths, medieval Europeans believed that bathing too often could open pores to disease. Some even thought water carried the plague!
As a result:
- Nobles might bathe a few times a year (if at all).
- Peasants often went their entire lives without a proper wash.
- Perfume became popular to mask body odor (hence the saying “nose-blind”).
Public bathhouses existed, but they were also associated with brothels, making them morally questionable. By the 16th century, Queen Elizabeth I famously declared she bathed “once a month, whether necessary or not.”
Thank goodness for daily showers and deodorant.
4. Bread Could Send You to Hell
Medieval bread wasn’t just a staple—it was a deadly serious business. Bakers who cheated customers by selling underweight loaves could face severe punishments, including:
- Being dragged through the streets on a hurdle.
- Having their ears nailed to their shop door.
- Being dunked in water (a punishment called “ducking”).
But the weirdest part? Ergotism, a condition caused by moldy rye bread, led to hallucinations, convulsions, and gangrene. Victims were often accused of being possessed by demons. Some historians believe the infamous Salem witch trials may have been linked to contaminated grain.
Today, food safety regulations ensure our bread won’t send us to the afterlife.
5. The “Right to the First Night” Myth (And Other Strange Marriage Customs)
One of the most infamous—and debated—medieval legends is Droit du Seigneur (“Right of the First Night”), the idea that feudal lords could sleep with a bride on her wedding night before her husband could.
While historians debate whether this was real or just a myth, medieval marriage customs were still bizarre:
- Wife-Selling – If a man wanted a divorce (which the Church rarely allowed), he could “sell” his wife at market.
- Child Brides – Noble girls as young as 12 were married off for political alliances.
- Trial by Ordeal – Some accused adulteresses had to carry hot iron bars; if they burned, they were guilty.
Thankfully, modern marriage is (mostly) free of these horrors.
Frequently Asked Questions
Q: Did medieval people really believe the Earth was flat? A: No! Most educated people knew the Earth was round. The myth that medieval folks thought it was flat comes from 19th-century exaggerations.
Q: How did medieval people deal with bad breath? A: They chewed herbs like mint and parsley or used cloves. Some even gargled vinegar or wine.
Q: Were there any medieval dentists? A: Sort of. Barbers often pulled teeth, and “dentists” used painful methods like drilling without anesthesia.
Q: Did everyone die young in medieval times? A: Average lifespans were shorter (around 30-40), but that’s because infant mortality was high. If you survived childhood, you could live into your 60s or 70s.
Final Thoughts
The medieval period was full of strange, sometimes horrifying customs that make modern life seem like paradise. From urine-based medicine to animal trials, it’s clear that humanity has come a long way.
So the next time you complain about slow Wi-Fi or traffic, just remember: at least you’re not drinking urine for medical advice or being tried in court alongside a pig.